


How Not to Pick up a Paladin

by miraculousstorytelling



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Comedy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 12:20:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7801654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miraculousstorytelling/pseuds/miraculousstorytelling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After finally coming to terms with his feelings for Keith, Lance decides to abandon their rivalry in favor of aggressively flirting using the only tactic he knows. Really bad pick-up lines.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Not to Pick up a Paladin

Lance had finally grieved the loss of his bitter rivalry with Keith. He'd mourned and sulked and raged, then out of the ashes of his bitter hatred had risen a heart-breakingly beautiful crush instead.

Too bad Lance dealt in the ridiculous, rather than indulging in tender moments.

"Hey, Keith!"

Keith glanced back at Lance with a single arched brow.

"Are you wearing space pants?"

"Um... Yeah, I guess-"

"Cause your ass is out of this world!" Lance finished with an enormous grin.

Keith was quiet for a moment, confused, then he shook his head, "So is yours. We're in space, idiot."

Then, he walked off to train.

Lance was dumbfounded. How in the world did that not work? It was brilliant! Seriously swoon worthy. Maybe he just needed to up his game...

 

The next time he tried, Hunk was innocently eating some food goo next to Keith in the kitchen.

"Hey, Keith!" Lance grinned, "Are you baking something?"

Keith frowned, "No?"

"Oh, my mistake. I guess _you're_ the reason it's hot in here."

Hunk spat out his mouthful of goo, sending Lance a wide-eyed and baffled look.

Keith rolled his eyes, "It's just hot because you're wearing a sweatshirt."

"Yeah, and you know it's made of?" Lance asked as he leaned on the counter with a sly grin.

Keith looked it over, "Probably...cotton and polyester?"

Lance's smile faded for a brief moment, then he perked back up as Hunk sent him a disbelieving look, "No. It's made of boyfriend material!" He winked at a very unimpressed Keith.

" _Oh my God, Lance_!" Hunk shouted.

Keith just sighed and left the room.

Lance scowled. Okay. Not quite good enough yet.

 

The next morning, Lance headed straight for Keith, interrupting his sparring with Shiro to ask very seriously, "Keith, are you okay?"

Keith sent him an odd look, "Yeah. Why?"

"You're sure you're not tired?"

Keith's eyes narrowed, "Why would I be tired? Shiro and I just started-"

"Cause you've been running through my dreams all night," Lance crooned with a wink.

Shiro dropped his practice sword in shock as Keith just huffed in irritation. "I'm busy, Lance. Train with us or get out."

Shiro looked between the two of them, "What...exactly is going on here?"

Lance scowled, grabbing a training weapon. Shiro decided it was safer not to ask further and just retrieved his practice sword from the floor. They trained in silence for a moment, a brief blissful moment, then Lance spoke again, "You know, Keith, if I had to rate you on a scale of one to ten, you'd be a nine."

Keith grimaced, "Let me guess, you're a perfect ten?"

"No, gorgeous, I'm the one you're missing." And the wink he used to supplement that line was so exaggerated Shiro nearly fell over laughing.

Keith just pointed his sword at the door, "Out."

Lance stared at him then sighed dramatically as he tossed his fake sword aside and stormed out.

 

"Keith!"

Keith flinched at the sound of Lance's voice. Pidge looked over, intrigued. After all, Shiro and Hunk had told her about Lance's latest behavioral change around Keith.

"Do you want to go on a date with me?" He paused, "Or do you need some time to...mullet over?"

Pidge was doubled over, wheezing as she burst out laughing.

Keith folded his arms over his chest, "Seriously? That's the best you could come up with?"

Lance threw his arms up in disgust, "Really, Keith? I'm flirting with you, and you're criticizing my technique?"

"It's sloppy, like everything else in your life."

"I'd love to see you do better," Lance grumbled.

Keith stood, a small smirk on his lips as he sauntered over, "Okay." He was inches away, watching as Lance blushed a satisfying cherry red. Keith leaned in, speaking softly into Lance's ear, "You don't need to use a pickup line, genius. Just be honest."

Lance scowled and shoved him back, "I didn't ask for advice."

"Trust me. You didn't have to."

Pidge was still cackling in the background, and Lance finally snapped, "Knock it off, Pidge!" He looked over at Keith, "Be honest?"

Keith nodded.

"Okay, fine. But not in front of the walking laugh track." He gripped Keith's jacket and led him out into the hallway, still red-faced and feeling a thousand times more awkward than he'd ever expected.

Keith followed and glanced down at Lance's hand once they were safely away from being overheard, "You gonna let go?"

Lance released him sullenly.

After a moment of expectant silence, Keith chuckled, leaning back against the wall, "Do you need a script?"

Lance growled and slapped a hand over Keith's mouth, "Shut up!" He sighed, "Look, I like you. Like _crazy_ like you. My life is like a fricking romance novel. I swoon over your stupid muscles and your ugly hair." He made a face, " _I actually get lost in your eyes, Keith_! Who does that? I dream about you, and your annoying voice makes my stomach flip.

"I actually want to spend time with you even if you annoy me, and I want to hold your stupid hand and go on walks and eat dinner together by freaking candlelight. So, yeah, I'm using stupid pickup lines, because I don't even know how I'm feeling yet, and this is way easier than doing something stupid like-"

"Kiss me," Keith ordered softly.

Lance faltered, leaning back, "Wh-What?"

"Kiss me." And then Lance finally noticed the blush creeping over Keith's cheeks and the intensity of Keith's eyes on him.

Lance swallowed, moving closer, "Okay."

His lips brushed over Keith's, soft and tentative. Lance practically melted at the brief contact, and hearing Keith's breath hitch in his throat only made him smile.

Keith smirked, the words ghosting over Lance's lips, "Wow, even your kissing is awful."

Lance smirked, "If you're so good at it, why don't you teach me?"

Keith shrugged, "Okay."

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted on tumblr under mysteryfics.


End file.
